paintitrainbows | what comes up when rain comes down?

[.___________.]

What could I possibly be scared of?

[It's clearly ridiculous!]

Love?

Ah--

[Edward tries to resist the urge to get a pillow and scream into it. He succeeds, for now.]

I... ah...

I mean... what's frightening about that, honestly?

[Ding ding ding, Oswald's got it.]

...depends on the person, I think. [he tilts his head a bit] If it's not something you'd consider yourself used to...

I mean, I suppose I'm... not. Not really, no.

[Okay, honesty, maybe? Because he feels like he's going in circles and freaking himself out more and more. So. Honesty.

Cards. On the table.]

...I'm not sure I've ever felt love before.

[Well this is some deja vu. Which makes sense, considering Edward doesn't remember that entire evening.

Hngh.

He should...probably address that. Which he very much does not want to do because he gets the feeling Edward is not going to like this but...

If there was any time to not chicken out, it would be now. So from the outside, it's looking like he's quiet for maybe a bit too long after that revelation, when really what he's doing is convincing himself to actually take the risk and talk about this because he's still riding high on Edward telling him he loves him and this might ruin everything because okay admittedly he should've probably had this discussion earlier but there was never the time--]

--I know. [it comes out of him in a rush of nerves, a little jittery] You've, uh...Actually we've had a conversation like this. Before. Sort of.

Edited 2019-03-11 20:05 (UTC)

[Edward blinks at that, briefly distracted from his own panic, because that's... not right? No, definitely not.]

What are you talking about?

I don't remember anything of the sort.

[And he should. He should remember that a lot better than Oswald.]

It was the night you broke out of Arkham, but the guard managed to inject you with a high dose of benzodiazepines before you escaped.

That's hardly as specific as you think it is--

[But. No, Oswald would only know of the one time, so...

It makes sense. Amnesia, common side effect of the drugs. He often has gaps in his memory after being dosed.]

...What... What exactly did I... tell you?

[yes, he would only know of the one time, which is why he starts to frown and address that---but yes alright back on topic]

Well...I wanted to help with your recovery during withdrawal, but you were insistent that I shouldn't, and I couldn't understand why. And you said something along the lines of--[he frowns, trying to remember exactly how the conversation went, but he does't have Edward's perfect recall]--that you couldn't figure out my angle. And I explained that I didn't have an angle; that I was doing this because you're my friend, and I-I love you. [and there it is again, and he almost stumbles over it--but he's on a roll now so here we go] And you told me that was something you'd never experienced, and that my loving you was a mistake, because you were broken. [his brow furrows a bit, only because saying that is enough to make something ache in his chest all over again] To which I pointed out that I don't really think that there's anyone in Gotham that isn't broken, at least a little bit, in different ways. Because I certainly am. But even so, knowing all of that and all of those things...I still love you. [this time, no stumble--more steady.]

And you said the idea of that scared you. Love. Because you don't have any experience with it, from either side. Which is--I said that was fine, and if you needed clarification, ever, that I was happy to help you figure it out.

[....] And then you fell asleep.

[He takes that in. The whole thing. And it's... well, it's a little embarrassing, honestly. Because even if they aren't things he's consciously aware of, when he hears Oswald describe what he'd said, he knows it's true. And they sure aren't things he would've talked about, otherwise.

Of course he doesn't remember a single second of it. Not one bit.

Oswald had told Edward that he loved him and he just forgot about it. That seems so... ridiculous. Of all things. There are so many things he effortlessly remembers, but just because of the timing of it all, he can't remember something like this?]

...Oh.

[And he's quiet, because he genuinely doesn't know what to say to that.

He needs a second to digest that and to think.]

[...it feels a bit anticlimactic, almost. All those nerves for one little word. And, obviously, Edward's got that look of his when he's thinking very hard about something. And though it's incredibly tempting to press for answers, to push, it's better that...he doesn't. He's learned at least that.

But he does need to busy himself with something otherwise he's going to freak out himself alskdhflskdhfs]

I'm going to heat up the leftover thai from the other night while you're thinking. Did you want any? [yep gonna push to his feet because he's going to distract himself with something else for a bit because he might scream at all the negative scenarios and things his brain keeps bringing up in the wake of that and he's just not about dealing with the thoughts of Edward deciding he doesn't love him because he kept all that from him SO YEP]

[Edward is still quiet, thinking to himself. Going over what Oswald just told him, yes, but not just that. Going over the events that happened today. Trying to see if he can remember anything, even just a sliver of that conversation, but all he has to go in is when he woke up afterwards.

Think of it like a puzzle, Oswald had said, and that's what he's doing now. In this case, the puzzle is Oswald. It's Edward. It's the both of them, in some sort of strange, three-dimensional, over-complicated conundrum. Pieces he needs hazy, vanishing randomly, or long since buried on purpose. But if he could only solve simple puzzles, well.

He'd be a sorry excuse for a Riddler, wouldn't he?

Edward doesn't seem to entirely hear Oswald's question. He does, sort of. He recognizes that there is a sound, but the words don't register under the far more distracting weight of his own thoughts. And Oswald might need to wait a moment, before getting an answer. He's already moving, standing up. It's not actually until Oswald's taken a few steps before there's an answer.]

[...Just not to the question he just asked.]

I love you.

[What do you do, when you figure out the answer to a difficult riddle? Why...

You announce it.]

[He's honestly on his way to being lost in his thoughts due to actively suppressing his own panicked responses but--

that

Is more than enough to cut right through all of it.

Enough to stop him in his tracks, even, breath stuttering in his throat, a blossoming of shock and hope and something else in his chest]

[He half-turns back towards Edward, then, just...looking at him. The first time he said it, it was an accident, blurted without thought. This time, however...it's deliberate. Very much so.

...and even yet, even as hope bubbles up, elation, joy, he can't help but ask--]

...really?

[It took a lot of effort for Edward to get here and the second Oswald asks that, the panic is back, and all he wants is to immediately take it back. Pretend this conversation never happened, walk out the door, maybe fake his death - it could work, maybe! - but...

He swallows and tries to steel himself. No backing down. He already said the words, so it's too late now. It's scary. But...

Not because he didn't mean it.]

Yes.

[There's the hard part out of the way.]

I mean, I... As I said, my experience in this area is lacking, to put it extremely lightly, and it's new to me, I always sort of thought love wasn't really real or at the very least I wasn't capable of it, but given new evidence and the fact that I don't know what else this could possibly be, I have to think that--

[He's rambling.

...He might not know how to stop.

You should probably say something and snap him out of it, Ozzy.]

[Really, Edward, all he needed was the "yes."]

Edward.

[to get his attention, mostly. He'll wait until he's stopped babbling]

[Immediately, Edward's mouth snaps shut.]

[and that's when the smile starts, spreading across his face in a way he can't stop, because he's just--he's really incredibly happy]

I love you, too.

[Oswald had already said as much, multiple times. But every time he hears it it still feels unreal. And he's...

Yep, Edward's blushing.]

Oh. I... Right. Yes. Good.

[He's usually good at talking but it's REALLY HARD NOW?]

[Edward is just

so cute???

help

Also Oswald will return those couple steps he's taken, holding out a hand, obviously expecting him to take it.]

[Yeah, he's just going to follow Oswald's lead here for a bit, taking his hand.]

[he'll tug Edward to his feet, then] Come here. [and then he'll just...gently pull him into a hug.]

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