paintitrainbows | call me out

I barely did anything at all. But I guess it really doesn't take a lot for someone to think murder is the best solution.

[This time when Togami pauses, it's not because of some internal struggle. It's just...

...Naegi, stop that, that's too cute. You stop being so adorable this instant young man. God, let him just... collect himself for a moment, please.]

Oh, didn't I? So it seems.

[...]

What do you want me to say, exactly?

[ TOGAMI NO...

Naegi... he doesn't even know what he wanted him to say at this point. His brain is still an emotional jumble just from everything that had been revealed to him thus far, and he was fairly certain he'd go through the ringer once more before this trial was over.

But... he might as well get at least one thing out of the way. ]

At least... answer me this question.

Why?

Why bother being nice to me at all if you were just going to have us all killed in the end...?

...

[It's a question he knew would be coming, but somehow he still isn't fully prepared to answer it. Mostly because... he doesn't plan on lying during this little finale.]

...when...

[It almost looks like it physically hurts him to speak.]

...Specify... when.

The answer to that question... depends on the point of the game.

[...]

But I can answer for both the beginning and the end.

If you want.

. . . it's the only way I'll know, Togami-kun.

[ For him to at least put that doubt to rest.

But would the answer make him feel better? Naegi isn't sure that it will, but... it might be the only chance he gets to ask. ]

The beginning and the end... I have to know.

[ Might he be setting himself up for further despair? Probably. But... at the same time, it'll be the only way he can put everything about the killing games and Togami himself to rest, once this is said and done. ]

Very well.

[The first part is easy.]

...Because I figured that the higher I lifted you up, the more amazing the fall would be. [It was true, to an extent. He'd just... gone further than he'd intended.] Watching someone slowly fall into despair is fun, but watching someone so full of hope fall into it all at once... is much more interesting.

So at the beginning, I figured it would be fun.

[Are you uncomfortable yet, Naegi, because you should be.

...Mind you, he's simplifying things a lot.]

At the end...

[...]

Because I wanted to.

[It's said in a different tone than his earlier insistence that it had been for fun. It's difficult to really pin down what this tone is, but whatever it is... Togami doesn't actually seem happy about it.]

... Togami-kun...

[ . . .

If Togami was expecting Naegi to be angry or distressed or in complete despair at being played like an absolute fool by him, well... that wasn't the reaction that's on Naegi's face.

Instead, Naegi looks more like grieved for him. Togami's definitely going to notice a lot of things in his expression: sadness, confusion, but most of all... pity and compassion. He looks like he feels sorry for the poor guy.

That didn't absolve him of the deaths of all those students, by far, but...

Now Naegi's not sure what to think at this point. Had he begun to matter to Togami at some point during hte manipulations? He'd said that he just did it for the thrill of it at first, but...

What lies did he feed himself to continue spending time with him? What justifications and rationalizations did he keep coming up with? Before he realizes it, Naegi finds himself asking once more. ]

... what changed?

...What changed? Hm.

[Damn it, Naegi. It's way easier to respond when you're being all angry and indignant and hurt. Having an actual conversation makes it harder for him to be in SHSL Despair mode.

...He always was good at getting Togami to let his guard down, wasn't he?]

I suppose... What changed was me.

. . .

[ For the longest moment, Naegi only stays unmoving and silent, eyes shut, trying to think of nothing.

He changed. Togami... had changed. Was it because of him? He couldn't be sure, but... that wasn't the time for that, now, was it? Now there were more pressing matters at hand.

It feels like an eternity - in truth, it was but a few minutes - before Naegi opens his eyes again, looking at Togami seriously as he speaks up. ]

How so? Did I... begin to matter to you or something...?

...Hah. I wonder.

[Before he can continue, though, someone decides to interrupt. Someone who has also been hurt a great deal by this betrayal. And, like Naegi, she thinks there's more to this than meets the eye.]

I think Naegi-kun is correct. Because... if that isn't how you changed, there would be no reason to bring it up to begin with, is there?

[Togami doesn't answer. He just looks down.]

Togami-kun... Do you remember what happened after the first trial? I was planning on talking to Naegi-kun myself, but you were there first. When you left his room, you didn't look like you normally do. You weren't sure of yourself at all.

Tell me... Is that really how someone who bears the title of Super High School Level Despair would act after successfully setting someone up to fail later?

That is the moment when 'you changed', isn't it? The way you acted back then... It was sincere. Isn't that right?

...Well now.

[Togami doesn't look up right away. He just keeps staring at the floor, his eyes obscured.]

You've put a lot of thought into this. However...

[He looks back up again, finally.]

[And then he fucking laughs. It's manic, so unlike the normal Togami it's downright surreal.]

What does any of that matter, anyway? Why, how... That's all irrelevant, isn't it? The point is that I deceived you all!

Why, why, why... Ahaha, shouldn't you be more concerned with other things right now?

Tell me... Either of you...

Even if what you're saying is true, how does that change anything?

[ Naegi's face sets in hard lines when Togami erupts in manic, mirthless laughter after Kirigiri presented her case to him - his expression remains unreadable as he throws more stalling words at the both of them.

Were these the lies that he'd been telling himself the whole time? He knew now that he could have easily stopped after the first murder and execution, considering that he'd had his misgivings, but...

He'd have to consider that later. Again, the time is now; Togami needed an answer, and before Naegi's brain can catch up to him he starts speaking again. ]

... you're right. It doesn't change the fact that people have died as a result of what's happened here at Hope's Peak. Nor will it change that... they won't come back, no matter what we desire or want.

But...

It means everything to me, at least. I want... I want to believe that it does.

Because you can stop this. It's still not too late for you to change...!

[ There is something else, too, a far more important reason to him why he had to know, why he thought it mattered, but it was something he can't bring himself to say in front of Togami. Not right now, anyway. Not with Kirigiri also reeling from his betrayal and especially not with their classmates all but clamoring for his blood right now.

That, and... I want to believe there's something worth saving in that abyss that you claim you are, Togami-kun. ]

[...What the hell does he even say to that? He's, momentarily, struck speechless. Acknowledging Naegi's words completely... everything, the intend behind them included... No, he can't do that.

Not now.

This isn't going how he'd planned at all. And he does so hate it when things don't go according to plan.

(Things haven't been going according to plan for a while now.)

...Compose yourself, Togami. This is no time to be falling apart.]

Actually... The power of stopping this has always been in your hands. I gave you the world's simplest game.

All you had to do to win... was do nothing. The exact moment you were doomed was the moment you decided to play.

[He crosses his arms, looking across the entire room.]

It was the same thing for outside. What I did, out there and in here, was simple. I set up the dominoes.

I'm not the one who knocked them over.

...And I'm also not able to stop them once they're in motion.

[He focuses his gaze back on Naegi. And for a moment, the look in his eyes makes it clear why he is Super High School Level Despair. The lack of any kind of hope in his eyes has never been more obvious than right now.]

The pieces are already falling and there's nothing to be done about that.

So I ask you... Stop this how? Even if I ended this trial right here and now... Even if I decided to unlock the doors, put an end to all of this... It still won't stop the falling pieces.

[ The dead look in his eyes as he explains himself... it's rather chilling, to say the least, seeing him with such an expression on his face, especially after seeing him be so expressive before, Naegi thinks.

And he was forced to admit... Togami was right, in a way. Even if they stopped his plan and killed off the source of despair at the source, well. There was still plenty of it left to be spread around even without him feeding into it with their killing game.

Yet... that wasn't it, was it? ]

You're right. Even if we did stop you right here and now... that wouldn't solve anything.

[ Cut off the head, two more grow in its place and all. But... what if... ]

We already know that you're Super High School Level Despair... there's no contesting that among any of us. You've put us all through the ringer... and we played. Oh, we played this game quite well, and you can't deny that.

But... I think there's something else you've been denying ever since we started this trial, isn't there? That there's more that you can do besides just simply stopping it...

Are you really Super High School Level Despair? Or... is that what you've been trying to tell yourself?

[ The fact that Togami had been wavering through the whole trial regarding his identity was not lost on either him or Kirigiri, apparently; if anything, that only proved to him that there was something else that they could do than just condemn someone else to death.

Because, in the end, wouldn't that prove the whole point Togami was trying to make? That hope was no better than despair where the costs or calculations were concerned? No, no... that would not do at all.

He promised he'd save everyone, and he was going to see that promise through to the end. Even if it meant getting hurt - or worse - trying to save Togami from himself. ]

Tell us the truth! Who are you, exactly?

...

What?

[Yeah, this line of questioning catches him off guard, that's clear. The rest had been unexpected in its own way, but it had still been a possibility he'd at least considered. But this question...

Naegi...

...

Just how much had he underestimated him?]

What the hell is the point of this? Who am I? What makes you think the answer to that question is going to change? Just because you say it's only what I'm trying to tell myself...

Are you this determined to win?

[He adjusts his glasses.]

Fine then! Let's keep this trial going!

You say that I'm only trying to convince myself I'm Super High School Level Despair?

Prove it!

[ can you feel it, Mr. ~~Krabs~~ Togami

. . . Naegi's not sure how to feel about his question getting that kind of reaction from Togami, but at this point he's bracing himself for the worst.

The easy part was confirming that he was right, to some degree, about his suspicions about Togami's motives. Now came the hard part - figuring out some concrete proof for it.

... but how would he do that? He's pretty sure he hasn't found any evidence bullets that would pertain to this question - and he's pretty sure that, considering this is the final trial and all, that there's no more evidence left to be gathered...

... well, this was gonna be a problem, wasn't it? Naegi crosses his arms, frowning heavily as he stared at Togami - what was he gonna say to him now, sorry, he couldn't think of anything that could-

. . .

Hey, wait a minute, is that...

. . . that just might be it. Naegi's mind is already working as he realizes just what he'd seen on Togami, and inwardly, he's digging his heels in because he knows that from this point on, it was going to be one hell of a ride.

Especially since, if he was right? This was... going to be crazy, to say the least. Here goes something...! ]

... unfortunately, I don't have anything to directly prove that you're trying to convince yourself otherwise.

[ That's probably what Togami was wanting to hear, wasn't it? ]

Super High-School Level Despair... that must be fun for you, I guess...

Is it really that rewarding to be despair? Casting off your feelings and your friendships with others just to prove that despair's the only thing of any value out there?

[ Naegi tries to sound matter-of-fact as he can about this, but. He fails at that - if anything, he sounds more like he's sad for Togami as he asks about that...

That's not any way to live, he thinks to himself as he studies Togami's reaction. ]

[Across the courtroom, Kirigiri is giving him a look. Not a judging one, though. It's more like... she's putting her trust in him. She even nods to cement the whole thing. She trusts you know what you're doing, bro.

If Togami notices, he doesn't say anything.]

Spoken as someone who doesn't understand what despair is in the first place. Naegi... You are operating under a number of misconceptions.

Despair isn't meant to be rewarding. That's the entire point. And that, in itself, is what makes it worth pursuing. There's no rewards. And nothing else, either.

[He's getting some of his earlier composure back now.]

...If I had to pick a word to describe it, I would say it is... liberating.

So it's absolutely nothing, then, as you put it? Nothing at all? No feelings, no rewards, nothing...?

[ . . . he doubts he'll ever understand what it means to be nothing but despair all the time. And to be honest, Naegi's not sure he really wants to, either.

Either way, he picked this route, and now he has to see it through to the end. It's the nightmare he's chosen for himself, so now he has to make sure that it ends as well as he can make it end under the circumstances.

Well, it's time to see where this leads them. He looks at Kirigiri out of the corner of his eye before glancing back at Togami. ]

So... that means we mean nothing to you, then? I just have to ask.

Haven't I made that clear enough already? Oh well. It can't be helped. Just this once, I'll spell it out to you, free of charge.

All of you mean nothing to me.

YOU'VE GOT THAT WRONG!!!

[ Naegi-kun, so dramatic.

He's pretty sure everyone's eyes are on him, because... that's not something you'd normally object to, right? So why... ]

... the brooch you're wearing.

[ . . . wait, what?

Naegi pushes on, as he gestures to the brooch that Togami's wearing - it's a small, golden brooch in the shape of a scarab, tied around his neck. And it's one that Naegi-kun knows very well. ]

If we really mean that little to you... then why are you still wearing it?

You know very well what I'm asking... I gave that to you. As a gift, for... your help during the second trial. If you're really as full of despair as you say, then... why do you still have it on you?

Ah--!

T-That's...

[And gone is that composure. The entire room falls dead silent for a moment, aside from some sputtering from Togami. Until...]

I knew it.

[Of course she did.]

Whoa... So Naegi-kun is the one that gave him that weird looking brooch? I didn't even notice it at all.

[G-Geez... is it finally time for the peanut gallery to comment?]

T-To give a gift like that to Byakuya-sama... Just how many flags did he trigger?!

Ah, is that really what you're concerned about right now?

[And then, there's a slamming sound. Ah, sounds like Togami just slammed his podium.]

[...It manages to shut up Fukawa, at the very least. Mastermind or not, she's still listening to him for now.

...Togami isn't saying anything. He just looks straight at the floor. Is he trying to think of a counter-argument? If so, it doesn't seem to be going very well.]

Edited (whoops spelling) 2015-02-23 21:51 (UTC)

[ Uh...

. . . suddenly Naegi feels like he's put himself and Togami on the spot immediately after revealing that little fact, because, uh. Wow, that reaction was... something...

Between looking at Togami, his classmates and Kirigiri, he can't help but sweat a little before turning to Kirigiri with a frown on his face, mouthing out his words just in case. ]

... did I break him or something?

...You may have just a little.

[Ah- Kirigiri, being blunt as always. Oh well. Togami's... busy having a small meltdown over there. Give him a moment...?

Well, Kirigiri is just going to keep talking to Naegi, because fuck the police.]

Naegi-kun... You won't let any of us fall to despair, right?

[...That's an odd change in topic.]

This entire time, you've been doing your best. Refusing to give up hope, even in the face of the darkest despair. So...

Someone with a title like Super High School Level Despair... Someone who already has fallen to despair... What will you do with someone like that, I wonder. Can someone like that even be saved in the first place?

I think... You might be able to.

Kirigiri-san...

[ That fact that she puts that much faith in him...

Naegi won't lie, it both empowers and scares him. On the one hand, he's certainly stubborn enough to not give in to Togami's illusions of despair grandeur where he's concerned, but on the other... he still feels like that it might not be enough. What happens if he can't pull Togami back from the abyss? Worse, what if he or Kirigiri or... everyone else, for that matter, gets dragged down with him?

He refused to give up hope. That's just how he was. But to convey that to someone who's already lost everything and more...

Naegi opens his mouth to say that he's not sure if he can do it, that Kirigiri's putting a little too much faith in him, that he can't promise anything - but the whisper that leaves his mouth says something else entirely. ]

... I'll try. No... I have to get through to him.

It's the only way we'll be able to save him from himself... right, Kirigiri-san...? I... I refuse to believe he's as empty as he says he is...!

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